The diver weighs the pros and cons of solo intergalactic missions as well as powder days.
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Diver: The Pragmatic Minimalist
Interesting fact: Psyched about catching first chair? Good for you, but patrol laid first tracks hours ago.
Dear Diver,
So, for the umpteenth time, I have
helped a driver from New Mexico in a Dodge Charger (or similar model)
and wearing tennis shoes and no coat out of a snowbank that he/she has
driven into. I know not everyone can afford four-wheel drive or the
latest pair of Bogs, but this is beginning to verge on stupidity. Do
they not have snow, tire chains, waterproof footwear or common sense
down there? Or do we need to start posting signs at the border warning
them that the white stuff is cold, slippery and wet?
– Mad Max
Out of the Ditch, Bitch:
Although your observations are correct,
recognize the larger scheme at play. It’s not only the inclement
weather, lack of metrosexual galoshes or no all-wheel that’s the issue.
You see, New Mexican drivers are universally bad; at all hours, in all
species of transport and in all conditions. The N.M. Dept. of
Transportation issues colored license plates based on the severity of
operaters’ deficiencies. The teal plates denote a driver who is barely
competent of navigating north of Aztec. And the dreaded yellow placards
are affixed to vehicles warning the public to approach these drivers
with extreme caution! As far as being underdressed while destined for
the soft spots in our winter’s deep drifts, please do not interfere with
the universe’s attempt at evolution! The Diver is always an advocate
for safety and your suggestion of a billboard advising unprepared
drivers that they will be ignored, left to freeze into
out-of-statecicles and inventoried during the spring melt is a good one.
– Stay Warm and Keep it Fresh
Dear Diver,
I am trying to dream up the
ultimate ’80s costume for Snowdown. Only problem is, there are too many
options. Do I go “Flock of Seagulls” or heavy metal hair band? Or maybe
“Dukes of Hazzard” or “Facts of Life.” I’ve got a great Mrs. Garrett
wig. Please diver, pour some sugar on me.
– Hold Me Now
How’s Your Day Glowing?
As a child of the ’80s, returning to the
vestiges of that gross and gaudy decade for Snowdown this year strikes
the Diver as peculiar and pretty meh. I fondly remember all that is good
from those magical years but the hair and fashion of the day didn’t
make the list. The looks in the ’80s have actually left me with some
serious PTSD. All I’ll suggest is a good blow out, lots of product,
jelly bracelets and some righteous drinking to increase your confidence
in whatever shit show costume you roll with.
– The Facts of Life
Dear Diver,
It’s not like I’m a loner, but
sometimes, I just like to ski alone. I can go down whatever run I want,
go in for hot cocoa when I feel like it, snot rocket off the chairlift
and go as fast or slow as I want. But inevitably, I run into someone who
asks me to take a run, which instantly harshes my alone time. How do I
politely decline the invitation without appearing rude or antisocial.
– Only One “I” in Ski
Hot Snotty,
Loner, stoner, mourner, boner … we all
have our reasons for skiing alone. I’ve never understood the need to ski
together. Maybe it’s the autonomy of snowboarding, my infrequent
bathing habits or my dysfunctional temperament. Stopping to chat it up,
in the middle of a perfect run, only to mindlessly follow your buds down
perplexes me. Circling up to laugh, talk smack and celebrate our
blessed existence is what the chair, trees and Schoolhouse are for. It
doesn’t matter if you’re cruising corduroy, ripping bumps or snorkeling
stellar crystals, choosing, the chance to paint our daily masterpieces
upon the white canvas is a sacred gift, and religion is highly personal.
But a word of caution: it is widely understood “there are no friends on
powder days,” but there are never friends if you’re an arse. So
maintain the stoke with some après time and be sure to participate in
the social hours and quilting bees on the springtime skin track.
– It’s All Downhill Under the Influenc of Gravity
